99 Problems but a Prenup Ain’t One.

By Monday, May 5, 2008 0 No tags Permalink 0

Guest Post! Our Homegirl Tonya Pendelton took a moment to give her opinion on possible urban celeberity prenup agreements in the wake of the rumors of Beyonce getting $25 mil in her prenup agreement with Jay-Z. So take a look at Tonya’s fun and funny possible urban celeberity prenut agreements:


Will 100 mill career total
Jada – 1 mill career total
“Shit, it’s just cheaper to keep her”
Tiger Woods -100 million annually
Nordegrin – “I came with carfare from my nanny job but I’m blonde and
blue-eyed, so the kids won’t look black at all…. I’m leaving with
spousal and child support plus a mill for every kid who grows up to
play golf”

Shaq – $90 million annually
Shaunie: $50,000 annually on last PR gig
buying real estate with my platinum Amex and my allowance PLUS I’m
having ten kids with your ass so you’ll be paying child support through

Kobe $150 million career
Vanessa: “The last time I
worked before Kobe came along, was in high school at Forever 21, so I
came in with my last check of $221.13″

“But after the “rape” the prenup says I get $110 million if that bastard ever tries to walk and my $4 million ring, that’s after he’s already paid off my mother and stepfather’s debts (100% true, he did that already)”

Halle Berry: $110 million career earnings : “I’m following
Oprah’s lead and I ain’t marrying nobody, you leave with what you came
with dude”
Gabriel Aubrey: $10 million career earnings (one of the
top paid male models) Thanks for the pretty baby and the child support,
au revoir!”

MJB – $50 million career total, designer discounts at every major Italian design house
Kendu residuals off that one song he produced for Queen Latifah
getting 25% of percent of whatever you’ve made since I became the
manager and 50% of what you got once I became the husband and you ain’t
ever got to worry about me going nowhere, since my kids are going to
college off this marriage

Usher: $25 million career total
Tameka: Free Gucci hookup and child support for my four kids
make sure all my sons are straight and I’ll keep your name and the
house, pimpin,'” I can find another rich dude, ’cause my shit is
platinum coated”

T.I. : $50 million career earnings minus the $12 million my dumb ass just lost paying lawyers to keep me from doing 15 years
Tiny: $50 dollars in Xscape residuals and child support from my non-famous baby daddy

“Worth any money to keep her off the stand in a trial -she gets half if
we break up even though we still ain’t married and on baby #2 (my
sixth, btw)”

Diddy: $100 million career total
Misa a.k.a. BM #1 – “Retroactive child support I should have been getting for all of Justin’s life, sucka”

KP: BM #2: “Took yo ass to court to get 30,000 a month for all these
damn kids since I don’t work and Al B. wasn’t hooking Quincy up”
Sarah a.ka. BM #3: “When those bitches get done, I guess I get whatever leftovers out of the 17% the law allows”

OR: Remy Ma : $2500 career earnings
Papoose $25 dollars career earnings
“We just need enough for some Popeyes and bail money!”

Mariah $500 million career earnings
Nick Cannon $1 million career earnings

“Whooops, forgot the damn prenup because I was high on EX when we did
this shit! Better make some more wack records quick! Call Dallas, Call
Diddy, Call Scott Storch, Call Timbaland!”


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